


Scars On My Heart

by SterekandMcDannoShipr



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/M, Love at First Sight, Past Nick Collins, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Undercover Work, military deployment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:34:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7579609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SterekandMcDannoShipr/pseuds/SterekandMcDannoShipr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is heading undercover for an undetermined amount of time. Andy has been deployed for her first tour in Afghanistan. They meet the week before they're each scheduled to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Andy**

She's sitting alone in the bar of her hotel, it's quiet and that's just what she needs right now. In a week she'll be giving up at least 18 months of her life to go to Afghanistan. Her cousin Nick is already there; at the end of his first tour. She'll only admit to him that she's scared. It's her first tour and of course she doesn't know what to expect. She looks up from the email she's typing to see there's a new person in the bar. He screams cop and she's wondering what's got him drinking in the middle of the day. They make eye contact and smile. He's dark and sexy but this isn't the time or place so she goes back to her phone.

**Sam**

He's on his last week of time off before he goes under for an undetermined amount of time. He'd spent the past week with his sister but this, _this time_ is for him. He has to get his head in the game. Normally he doesn't drink this early but he has nowhere to be so he orders a scotch. He takes stock of who else is there; smiles when he sees the beautiful brunette at the other end of the bar busy on her phone probably with her boyfriend. She screams soldier or cop and he wonders what has her drinking in the middle of the day. She looks up briefly and they lock eyes, exchange smiles. God! She is really beautiful but he can't afford to get distracted now.

His ears perk up when she says to the bartender. "Mike, I'm going swimming for a little while. Can you keep my tab open? If I don't make it back, charge it to my room?"

He smiles and nods. "Sure thing Andy."

He watches as she grabs her bag and looks his way again, smiling. He decides it might be a nice day for a swim so he throws down some money for his tab and goes to his room. Normally he wouldn't even have shorts but Sarah and David had needed help with their dock so he had a pair.

By the time he made it back downstairs she was running around the pool with two little boys and water cannons. The mom looked relieved because she had a little girl that was crying. He took a seat near hers and watched as she ran around. He'd guess that she was pretty young, mid-twenties, gorgeous, vibrant. He was having second thoughts about trying to talk to her. If they even hit it off it would be...well...he wouldn't dare assume a one night stand but he wouldn't mind either.

Andy finally had to take a break. She hadn't missed that the guy from the bar was there now. He was sitting two seats away from where she'd dropped her things. After waving bye to the boys she pulled off her shorts and tank top then dove into the pool.

Sam watched her do a few laps before climbing out. She grabbed her clothes and slowly made her way over. Thankfully he'd remembered the iPod Sarah's gang had given him for Christmas. He'd feel like a peeping tom without it.

Andy smiled at the thought that he may be out there to see her. She wasn't conceited or anything but he really didn't look like a sunbathing kind of guy. She knew that IF they even hit it off it would only equal to a one night stand. He smiled as she stopped at her chair and picked up her towel. When she was growing up she had been pretty shy but the military had taught her to live without regret.

She wrapped the towel around herself and walked over to him. "Hi!"

He had the most amazing smile. Sam sat up and held out his hand. "Hi! I'm Sam."

She had a gorgeous smile. Andy shook his hand. "Nice to meet you Sam, I'm Andy."

He motioned for her to take the seat next to him and she did. He ran his tongue across his teeth as he watched her. "What has you in St. Catharines?"

She decided to go for truth. "I umm...I ship out for Afghanistan in a week, my first tour. I've said goodbye to my family and friends. Thought I'd take a week for myself to get used to the idea. What about you?"

He hadn't really expected that answer. "I guess you could say the same for me. I'm a cop and I just took a long undercover job. I just spent a week with my family and like you I thought I'd take the time to get used to the idea."

Andy nodded. "You go under a lot but his one is different?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it's...well...I don't know how long this time. Could be months, could be years. You know, it just depends on how things go." Normally he'd never talk about this with anyone but he felt like he could with her. "How long is your tour?"

She looked down and wrung her hands. "Umm...18 months, maybe longer."

He could tell she was nervous. He slowly reached out and lightly wrapped his hand around hers. "First one is always the hardest." She looked up and nodded once. He knew the feeling, the nerves. "I can't say I know what it's like to be a solider but as a cop I know I have people watching my back. I know that the others in your unit will watch yours. You'll make it back safe."

Andy smiled up at him. "You will too right?"

He smiled and nodded. "It's deep cover but yeah, I'll have a team keeping track of me. Hopefully everything will go right."

They watched each other for a few minutes. Sam reached up and caressed her cheek, smiled when she closed her eyes. Andy loved the feel of his hand, his gun calloused fingers gently caressing her.

She opened her eyes slowly when he said. "Andy?" She blushed a little. "Wanna go for a swim?" She chewed on her bottom lip as she nodded. He stood up and took her hand. Andy threw her towel on her chair and let him lead her to the pool.

Soon the two little boys she had been playing with joined them. She was surprised when Sam ran around with them too. The mom finally had to drag them away with promises of ice cream.  
It was getting close to dinner so it was just the two of them now.

It was clear they had a connection and Andy wasn't ready to say goodbye. They were drying off when they said at the same time. "Would you like to have dinner with me?"

Both chuckled and then said. "I would love to."

Sam loved the blush that graced her cheeks. "So umm...An hour and I'll come by your room to pick you up?"

Andy nodded and tucked the towel around her. "Sounds great." They walked to the elevator together. Sam was on the fifth floor and Andy the sixth. "I'm in 6030."

He flashed his dimples. "Great. See you in an hour."

As he was about to step off the elevator she said. "Umm, Sam?" He stopped and raised an eyebrow. "I really umm...all I have to wear is jeans and t-shirts. You know, because I'm uhh leaving and well..."

He smiled and caressed her cheek. "Sweetheart, jeans and a t-shirt are fine with me. I don't exactly have dress clothes packed either."

She giggled and nodded. "Yeah. Ok." Without thinking she turned her head and kissed the palm of his hand.

He slid his hand around the back of her neck and gently pulled her to him. Both were breathing a little raggedly when he leaned in. He lightly brushed his lips across hers; meaning it to hold a promise for later but she had other things in mind. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss, their tongues brushing against each other.

Sam groaned at the feeling of her soft warm body against his. Andy pulled back and looked him over, studying him intently she whispered out huskily. " _Let's order room service_."

His smile almost knocked her over, his dimples digging in deep. "Andy, it's not that I don't want to because _believe me_ I do but I don't want you to think this is what I was going for when I introduced myself."

She smiled and shook her head. "Sam, it's ok. Neither one of us have much time. I know you feel the connection too." He nodded. "I want to spend time with you, just you." She looked nervous all of a sudden. "Does that sound too creepy?" She tried to step back but he held her in place.

He smiled as his eyes wandered over her face. "You're beautiful you know?" She blushed and ducked her head down shaking it. "Yes you are." He hooked his finger under her chin and tilted her head back up. "You sure about this?" She nods and he runs his hand down to hers. "Ok." He led them down the hall to his room, opening the door he gave her another chance to change her mind. "We can still go out." She had a lot of respect for this man she just met. She surprised him when she pushed him through the door and Sam laughed as he stumbled through. Andy took in his neat room and smiled. "If you want to shower, you can borrow a t-shirt and some boxers."

She giggled. "A boxers guy huh?" He chuckled and nodded. "Ok."

He went to his bag to pull out some clothes for her and when he turned back around she was naked. He swallowed hard and his eyes wandered over her, she was breathtakingly beautiful. " _Wow_." It came out husky.

She walked over to him and tugged off his shirt. "I know what I want Sam." Her hands wandered across his bare chest and shoulders, loving the spattering of hair. Her lips sent a jolt of electricity through him as she kissed his neck, following her lips with her tongue. " _Sam!"_

He gripped her hips as she pressed herself against him and nipped his neck. " _Shit Andy_!" He hissed as she continued to kiss, bite, and lick his neck while her hands wandered down to the waistband of his shorts. He knew he'd regret this but he grabbed her hands. "Andy, wait!"

She pulled back and looked at him. "I'm sorry." Taking a step back. "I umm...I...thought...I'm sorry." She went back to her clothes and pulled them back on quickly. "I'm just gonna..." She hitched her thumb over her shoulder and started walking backwards. "...Go back to my room and get dressed...If you still want to go out...umm...I can be ready in about thirty minutes." When her hand hit the door she turned and got it hallway open before she felt him against her with his hand on the door.

He had been caught completely off guard by her actions. " _Wait!_ " He whispered in her ear as he wrapped an arm around her waist. " _Stay_ _Andy._ "

She shook her head. "It's ok. I umm...I got caught up, got ahead of myself."

He turned her around and pressed her against the door, looking into her eyes. " _Stay._ " He said it more firmly this time. "Please."

She nervously chewed on her bottom lip as she tried to read him. The sincerity in his eyes made her nod. He pulled her back towards his bathroom and started the shower before he slowly undressed her.

She sighed as his hands gently caressed her. " _Sam. God."_ He smiled as he let her take off his shorts. The look of awe she gave him as she saw how turned on he was made him swallow hard. She smiled up at him as she wrapped her slim hand around him.

He hissed and his head fell against her shoulder as she slowly stroked him. " _Fuck Andy."_ He kissed and bit her neck as she slowly pleased him. He reluctantly removed her hand and guided her into the shower. The mix of salt, chlorine, and her was strangely intoxicating. He'd never experienced anything quite like it.

Andy had never met a man that could make her feel like he had in mere hours of knowing him. Sure there was an instant connection but she had _never_ wanted someone as badly as she wanted him. His fingers sent tingles throughout her entire body and his lips burned her to her core.

She scrunched her fingers through his hair. " _Sam! God!"_ He kissed his way to her breasts; kissing, licking, sucking, and gently biting. He smiled as she squealed his name and dug her fingers into his back. After paying a ridiculous amount of attention to her breasts he continued kissing his way down her stomach until he was kneeling before her.

She was magnificent. He looked up at her shy smile as he kissed each hip bone and down to the outside of her folds. Andy's knees nearly buckled but she braced herself on his shoulders as he nudged her legs open wider.

He took her in; sight and smell. " _God Andy! You're amazing."_ Sam pleased her over and over with his talented tongue. He could tell she was barely able to stand on her own so he kissed his way back up and held her close. " _You're so beautiful_."

Andy held onto him for dear life as she came down from the high of multiple orgasms. "Sam, that...was...wow. I mean _really_ wow."

He chuckled as he kissed her neck and whispered in her ear. " _That was just the appetizer sweetheart._ " She whimpered and that sound went straight to his groin. Sam grabbed his shampoo and lathered up her hair, then his soap for her body. He was really loving his scent on her. Andy did the same for him, lathering up every inch of him. He pulled them under the shower head and kissed her as the spray washed the soap away.

He finally rinsed all the shampoo out and took her by the hand. "Come on." He helped her out and grabbed towels for both of them. Andy admired every inch of him as he dried off. He smirked. "See something you like?"

She dropped her towel then pulled off his. "You." She stepped closer and ran her hands over him. "I like you." Kissing his neck and whispering as she nibbled on his ear. " _I want you Sam."_

He groaned as she kissed her way down his chest and stomach, nipping on each hip as she made her way to where he was throbbing. He hissed as she wrapped her lips around him. He couldn't help wrapping his fingers up in her hair. " _Damn!"_ He groaned as she slowly took him in. " _Shit! Shit! Shit!"_ Andy hummed at his obvious enjoyment and he jumped pulling her up so he could kiss her.

She whimpered. " _Sam!"_

He kissed her quiet. "Later. Ok?" She nodded and he pulled her down on the bed with him. They explored every inch of each other. Andy had never had someone respond to her touch the way he did of course he had the same effect on her.

Sam was on top of her, kissing her as she slid her hand between them to guide him inside her. He barely choked out. "Condom?"

Andy thrust her hips up and he slid inside a little, both gasping. "We're good."

He growled as he slid all the way inside her. " _Shit! Fuck!"_

She whimpered and pulled him close. " _Jesus Sam!_ _You feel amazing."_

He buried his face in her neck as he got used to the feeling of being inside her. " _Tight. You're so damn tight. God."_

He was far bigger than anyone she'd ever been with but she welcomed him. After a minute he slowly started to roll his hips and bury himself deep inside her. He marveled at how ready she was for him and that turned him on even more. He was thankful for her multiple orgasms in the shower because he wasn't sure how long he could hold out.

Andy could sense that he was struggling so she implored a few moves of her own, pushing herself up on her heals so he could go deeper, she groaned. " _Like that Sam. Deeper. Harder."_

Her encouragement was driving him nuts and he gave her what she asked for. " _God Andy! You feel so damn good."_

She bit down hard on his neck hoping he liked it and when he growled and slammed into her she knew it was the right thing. " _Cum for me Sam. I want to feel you."_

He growled out. _"You first."_

Andy caught him off guard and flipped them over, taking control as he held tightly to her hips. She knew he was close, could see it so she quickened her pace. " _Come on Sam. Let go for me_."

He clinched his teeth and breathed deep through his nose. " _I told you, you first."_

She smiled down at him and rolled her hips making him grip harder. "I'm so close Sam. Cum with me."

Three more thrusts of his hips and they were calling each other's name as the wave washed over them. She collapsed on top of him and they kissed through their orgasms. He rolled them over and nuzzled her neck. "You're damn amazing."

She smiled, blushing a little. "So are you." She kissed him hard. "Like _really_ amazing."

He chuckled as he rolled to his side and pulled her close. They held each other for a while before he said. "You hungry?" She nodded and he reached over to the bedside table fumbling for the drawer. He knew the menu was on top so he pulled it out. "What are you in the mood for?"

She chewed on her bottom lip as he flipped through the menu. "I don't know." She scanned the pages. "Maybe the club?"

He chuckled and looked down at her. "Is that a question or your answer?"

She smiled and swatted him. "What are _you_ having?"

He looked it over again. "The bacon cheese burger and fries."

She poked at his ribs as he reached for the phone. "Club and fries please."

He kissed her temple and nodded as he dialed the number. "Hi! This is room 5058. We'd like the cheeseburger and fries, a club with fries." He looked down at Andy. "Drinks?" She mouthed _anything_. "We'd like two Cokes." He was told the food would be delivered in 15 minutes.

Andy sighed as she cuddled closer. "Sam?"

He mumbled. " _Mmm. Hmm."_ He could tell she was hesitating. He pulled back and caressed her cheek. "What's going on?"

She worried her bottom lip through her teeth; that was her nervous tell. "I umm...I just...I want you to know that umm...that this isn't something I do."

He smiled and brushed the tip of his nose across hers. "I don't either Andy." He rolled them over and he rested himself between her legs, propped on one elbow. "Ever."

She smiled and shook her head. "You probably have women chasing you _all_ the time."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he trailed his fingers up and down her chest and stomach. "I don't know. Maybe. I don't usually...I'm usually really busy with work so I don't have much time for anything else. At least not anything serious."

She frowned and continued to chew on her lip. "Have you ever, you know? _Thought_ about serious?"

He kissed her neck and nodded. "Yeah, of course. Guess I just haven't met that woman yet. What about you?"

She smiled and shrugged. "It's not ideal for me right now, being on Active Duty." Looking a little nervous she said. "Plus, I didn't exactly have the best role models for relationships and parenting growing up." She looked up to see his confused look. "Umm. My dad was a cop in Toronto, my mom walked out on us when I was 14 and he turned to a bottle." She shrugged. "So..."

He rose up a little more. "You're Andy McNally aren't you?"

He'd never seen someone look more like a deer caught in headlights than she did right then. "H...What? How did..." She tried to push him off her and cover herself. "Please let me up."

He pinned her to the bed. "No." She tried to struggle a little. "Andy? Hey! What's going on?" She stopped moving but wouldn't look at him. He gently cupped her face and turned it to him. "Are you upset because I know your dad?" She shrugged a little as tears pricked her eyes. He couldn't understand her sudden change. "Your dad is a great guy." She looked surprised. "I know what happened to him. He was a detective in my division when I started. I got to work a few cases with him and he's a great cop."

She relaxed a little. "Thanks."

He kissed her. "No need to thank me Andy. It's the truth." There was a knock at his door. "You gonna stay put if I get up?" She blushed a little and nodded. "Ok." He kissed her, pulled on his shorts and answered the door. It was their food. Sam tipped the guy and pulled the food over to the bed. "A movie or TV while we eat?"

She nodded and watched as he moved around; taking off his shorts again, grabbing the TV remote and bringing their food to the bed. He was a perfect specimen of a man and she loved every inch of him. They ate and watched a movie. Andy was having a great time but noticed it was getting late.

He didn't seem to be fazed by the time. He reached for her as she tried to move off the bed. "Hey!" He kissed her. "Where ya going?"

She caressed his cheek and kissed him back. "I don't know. It's getting late; I thought you might want me to go."

He shook his head. "Stay."

Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times but nothing came out. She couldn't believe what he was asking. He smiled a little and she finally said. "What?"

He ran his fingers through her hair and whispered. " _Stay._ "

She finally whispered back. " _Ok."_

He cleaned up from dinner, put the cart outside the door then climbed back in bed with her. They made love again. Sam was never the type to cuddle but there was something different about having her warm soft body against his, he just couldn't keep his hands off her. Andy's hesitation when he asked her was because she'd never been able to sleep in a strange bed. There was something about Sam that made her feel safe and comfortable though. She cuddled up and felt her eyes getting heavy.

She kissed his chest. "Night Sam."

She could hear the smile when he said. "Night Andy." He kissed the top of her head and pulled her a little closer.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam woke the next morning to hair tickling his nose. He smiled as he brushed it away, memories of her flooding his senses. He could tell by her breathing she was awake.

She felt his breath over her ear as he whispered. " _Morning_."

She smiled as she kissed his hand that was cupped in hers. Her voice was husky with sleep as she said. " _Morning_."

This was going to be the best and worst week of his life. He could just feel it. "You sleep ok?"

Her hair tickled his nose again as she nodded. "You?"

He nodded and tickled her ribs a little as he said. "I met this gorgeous feisty brunette yesterday and she kinda wore me out."

Andy elbowed him and turned over. "Pretty sure you weren't complaining." He tried to fake innocence. "As a matter of fact I think it was _you_ that woke _me_ up for round 3."

He laughed as he pulled her in for a kiss and mumbled against her lips. "Have no idea what you're talking about."

Andy giggled as they kissed until he rolled over on top of her. That day they ventured out for dinner. Sam took her to one of his favorite places. By the end of the third day he asked her to give up her room and just stay with him, she didn't even hesitate. That night they went out again.

Andy was surprised when Sam pulled her out to the makeshift dance floor. "You don't dance." They hadn't even talked about it before but she could tell.

He held her close and moved them to the music. "No. Normally I don't but..." He kissed her softly. "You make me want to."

He had this habit of making her blush. Three days and he had this effect on her. "Sam?"

They hadn't talked about their remaining time and he didn't want to right now. " _Shh_!" He whispered. " _It's ok."_

They held each other tighter. "I won't ever forget this week Sam." She said as she laid her head on his chest.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat. He'd finally found the woman that he could give up UC for and she was leaving, they both were leaving. "I won't either darling."

That night went they got back the lovemaking was different. Each putting every feeling and need into it. Both cursing where their lives were taking them. Neither knowing that the other had considered leaving early to make it easier but not being able to let go.

The fifth day was the hardest, both were really quiet and they didn't even leave the room, just ate, watched TV, and held each other. Sam decided to make their last day together one that neither of them would forget. He woke her up with breakfast in bed, then they showered together and drove into Toronto. He took her to the CN Tower, they did Edge Walk and she beamed with excitement. After that adventure they ate at 360. Andy had never had so much fun on a date.

She smiled big at him. "Sam, thank you _so_ much for today. I've had a great time, all week actually. I never would've imagined _any_ of this that first day which really seems like months ago." She held his hand tighter and tears started to flow down her cheek. "We haven't talked about what happens next. Neither one of us knows when we're coming back but I don't know...I'm hoping...if you want...maybe we could see each other. I _know_ it's going to be a long time but...I...I really...I just want you."

He broke out in a huge grin and kissed her hand. "I want that too. Andy, I've never met anyone like you. Never felt _this_ so quickly, honestly not at all. I know it's going to be a while but I definitely want to see what could happen for us."

Their last night was just as amazing as the others they had spent together. Andy did her best to keep the tears at bay but late in the night she let them flow. She was a little surprised when Sam kissed her, brushing away her tears. He didn't say anything just kissed and held her. The next morning they shared a cab to the airport.

She was leaving first so he sat at the gate with her until it was time for her to board. They had taken a few pictures over the week together and Sam wanted one more before she left. He'd have to give up his phone before he went under but he'd keep his memory card to print the pictures. Andy had loaded hers onto her computer.

It was time for her to board and she held onto him tight, kissing him like it was her last day on Earth. "Promise me you'll be safe."

He was a little choked up now. "I will. I promise." He kissed her. "Promise me you'll be smart not brave. Come home safe."

She nodded and kissed him hard. "I promise."

They had exchanged numbers and email, Sam promising to call as soon as he was out. They kissed passionately one last time before reluctantly letting each other go.

_**Three Years Later** _

_**Sam** _

It had been the longest and last undercover job of his life but it was the most successful op he'd ever been involved in. The biggest child trafficking and drug ring in Canada had been brought down. After his debrief he spent a week with Sarah, tried to call Andy but got no answer. He wasn't much for emails but sent her one anyway. After his week with Sarah and family he went back to Toronto. His home had been taken care of while he was gone so he skipped checking on it and went to see his friends.

Frank was in his office when he heard the commotion, looking up he saw one of his closest friends. Sam Swarek had been gone from 15 Division for three years. He stood up and walked out to the bullpen, waiting his turn to welcome him back.

Frank pulled him into a big hug. "Welcome back buddy! I hear you did a great job."

Sam was surrounded by his four closest friends; his Staff Sergeant Frank Best, Noelle Williams, Detective Jerry Barber and Oliver Shaw. "Thanks brother." He sighed heavily. "Longest three years of my life but it's over and I'm not going back under again."

They were all surprised at his words. Noelle eyed him carefully. "You met someone!"

His dimples made an appearance and he nodded. "Yeah but it was a while ago." They all went to the lounge for coffee and the rest of the story. "It was a pretty amazing week. _She_ was amazing. I tried to call her the other day but didn't get an answer."

Oliver shook his head at the goofy grin on his friend's face. "It's been three years buddy. I mean, I'm happy for you but you know, what if she's with someone else?"

He nodded because he had thought about that. "Yeah, I know. I've thought about it and that's why I'm going to see her dad."

Jerry's jaw dropped. "You met her dad?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Yes and no. We _all_ know her dad. He was a detective here when we first came in, Tommy McNally."

Everyone's heart stopped when he said that name. Noelle looked around at the others. "You're talking about Andy then?" Sam nodded. "Oh! Sammy!" He had never seen her look so sad and unsure of what to say.

His heart stopped for a second, fearing the worst news. "You guys know her?" Everyone nodded. "She's alive right? _Please tell me she's alive."_

Frank and Oliver put their hands on his shoulder but Frank let Oliver do the talking. "Relax brother, she's alive. Umm."

He looked around at his friends. "What the hell is going on?"

Frank took a deep breath. "She's here Sammy. She's a rookie, just started a few weeks ago."

He broke out in a huge smile. This couldn't get any better.

_**Andy** _

It had been the longest three years of her life. She spent two and a half of those in Afghanistan and four months in rehab before she started the police academy. She felt like she was ready to go to work and her doctor's agreed. It was her third week on the job now and things were going pretty well. She bolted up in bed, covered in sweat and shaking, a car backfiring taking her back to that particular day. It's the same as always; her unit is doing an escort when they're ambushed. She watches Nick's Humvee explode as the rest of them try to take cover. Then comes the memory of her own physical pain as her Humvee explodes and flips over on her. She doesn't know how long she was pinned but she remembers the pain from the fire.

Everything feels and smells like she's back there and she barely makes it to the bathroom before she wretches into her toilet. She first takes a cold shower to calm herself then a hot one to get ready for her day. She's in her third week at 15 Division and not the same woman that left three years ago. She lost her cousin and several friends in combat and came home with her own injuries to live with. Her own physical reminder as if she needed it.

The rehab had been long and painful; her body would never look or be the same again. She was floored a week ago when she got a call from Sam Swarek, the man she spent a week with before she deployed. He was alive and well, back from his op and wanted to see her. She was glad, very glad he was ok because she had fallen in love with him after only a week. Her life was too different now though, _she_ was too different now. He'd never want her and she's not sure she could even let him in again, too much baggage.

She dressed and walked the six block trip to work. Her friends were arriving at the same time and that made her smile a little. They had been great, never asking too many questions. They knew when she had bad days and came up with some excuse to have a spend the night party at one of their places. Andy was in Parade before everyone else like always, in the far back corner away from everyone.

After his visit with his friends he took another week off, caught up with all of them at the Penny a few times. Their words about Andy still haunted him. _Just give her time to get used to you being here. She didn't come back the same. Just be prepared._ He knew that it had to have been hard on her but they had to know he wouldn't pressure her.

It was his first shift back and he was excited. He talked to Ollie as they changed into uniform. He couldn't hold back the butterflies knowing he'd get to see her in a manner of minutes. Oliver gave him a strained smile and clapped him on the back. "Just remember she's different brother."

He sighed and nodded, apparently this difference was noticeable. They walked into Parade and took their usual spots. The room filled up and Frank came in smiling. "Good morning coppers!" He received a reasonably cheery response. "Finally!" Everyone laughed. "Ok. It is my great pleasure to welcome back home one of 15's finest. Officer Sam Swarek returns home to us after an extremely successful three year undercover op." The room erupted in cheers.

Andy sat in the corner, unnoticed by everyone and the tears rolled down her cheek as she heard his name. He was back and here, there was no way she could avoid him. She wiped the tears away as she listened to Frank give out assignments.

Frank continued with Parade. "Nothing new going on today, assignments Shaw/McNally, Williams/Nash, Peck/Epstein on desk, and Swarek/Diaz." Frank figured he'd take it easy on Sam his first day back. "Serve, protect, and drinks at the Penny tonight to welcome Sam back." More cheers. "Dismissed."

Andy waited for the room to clear before she moved from her perch. Oliver waiting like always only this time Sam was with him. She had told Traci about Sam and was happy to find her waiting as well.

When the crowd cleared out he saw her. She didn't immediately look different but she was withdrawn and hard looking. She slid off the table and made her way over, never really looking up until she stopped in front of him.

Andy took a deep breath and looked up into the eyes she'd dreamt of for the last three years. They were still warm and loving. He looked as shocked and happy as she wanted to feel.

Still looking at Sam, she addressed Oliver and Traci. "Um, would you guys give us a minute, please?"

Oliver and Traci looked at her silently asking if she was sure. She slowly nodded; they looked at each other and shrugged leaving without another word.

"Hi." She whispered shyly.

He flashed the dimples that had her the first time around. "Hey." He wanted to say so much more but didn't even know where to start.

He saw hesitation, confusion, and sadness cross her face. "I'm...uhh...umm..." She wrung her hands as she searched for what to say.

Sam reached out and took her hands in his, trying to calm her, he spoke softly. "I tried to call you."

Andy looked at their hands, feeling the same electricity and warmth as before. "I know. I...I just didn't...don't know ..."

Smiling he said. "Since when are you afraid to talk to me?"

Andy gave a weak smile. "I'm glad you're ok. This isn't the time but umm...do you...umm...think we could...maybe get together soon...and umm talk? Tonight's not a good night; everyone will want to talk to you."

Her hesitancy and uncertainty had him nervous. "I've already had drinks with my friends, more than once."

Andy shook her head. "Tonight is about the division celebrating a successful bust and having you back, we can do it in a couple of days."

He raised both of her hands to his lips and kissed them. "Andy ..."

She looked up and begged with her eyes. "Sam, please,"

He didn't understand but he didn't want to upset her. "You still have my number?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

He teased. "You still know how to use a phone?"

Andy couldn't help the smile. "Yeah."

He caressed her cheek. "Then call me when you're ready."

Tears pricked her eyes as she nodded; her voice cracking as she said. "Ok."

They met up with their partners and headed out. Sam's mind was on Andy all day. She looked as amazing as she had the first day he met her. He kept playing everyone's words of caution over and over. He decided to talk to her when they got back to the barn. It was a busy day and he noticed she wasn't back when he got in. So he went to the locker room and showered then changed. He walked out and waited a few minutes before going into the women's locker room. He wanted to see if she was going to the Penny, maybe offer her a ride.

An officer was coming out as he was about to knock. "Is McNally still in there?" She nodded. "Thanks." He knocked as he walked in. "McNally?"

She had one of the first lockers and he saw her jump. "Jesus Sam! What are you doing in here?"

She was half hiding behind her locker door. He saw a tattoo on her left shoulder blade, in beautiful cursive letters read; _Nick Collins_ , he could see the start of some numbers too. "Who is Nick Collins?" He asked a little harshly around the lump in his throat.

She quickly yanked on a long sleeve shirt and turned around. He could tell she wasn't happy. "That's none of your business."

He cleared the distance between them, looking worried. "Is that what you want to talk to me about? There's no room for me in your life now?"

Andy took her usual defensive stance and stared him down. " _Three years Sam._ We haven't seen each other in _three years._ What did you expect?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I have no idea." He sighed and reached for her but she pulled back. "Andy come on. It's not like I didn't want to see you but you left too."

She frowned at his words. "Look, it was what it was Sam. We both knew what we were getting into."

His jaw dropped at her words. "You don't mean that." She turned back to her locker and nodded. He moved closer and put his hand on her shoulder, she pulled away again. "I know I'm not the only one that felt something Andy. You can say what you want but you _know_ you felt it too." She wouldn't turn back around. "I just came in here to see if you're coming to the Penny." She shrugged even though she had every intention of going. "Ok. Fine but I'm not giving up."

She heard him turn and leave, as the door closed she whimpered. "I'm so sorry. I love you Sam."

He took a deep breath as he walked into the Penny, not in any mood to celebrate but taking one for the team so to speak. He was greeted with cheers, applause and a never-ending round of drinks. He wasn't surprised when she walked in ten minutes after he did. He tried to enjoy his night but all he could think about was her and how she basically blew him off. It didn't sit right with him and he wasn't giving up.


	3. Chapter 3

He did his best to give her space for his first couple of weeks back. They were civil but nothing more than a _Hi_ or _Good morning._ He started his night shift rotation and she was off for the first couple of days. He unknowingly was in her neighborhood when his radio crackled to life. "1509 respond to a domestic disturbance at 790 Jarvis. Neighbors report a woman screaming for help."

Sam hit the lights and sirens before grabbing the mic. "1509 copy." He took the next left and then right and screeched to a halt in front of 790. The neighbors were standing outside of the house looking terrified. "Do you know your neighbors?"

The woman nodded. "Young lady, maybe in her late twenties, lives alone."

They were interrupted by blood curdling screams. " _Nick! No! No! Please!"_

He kicked the door in and followed the sounds. "Police! Hello? Police!" He could hear sobs and softer pleas for help as he made his way towards the bedroom. He was completely unprepared for what he found. Andy crumpled in the middle of her bed, body wracked with sobs. "Andy?" He holstered his gun and quickly moved to her side, reaching out and gently touching her. "Andy?"

She was stuck in the dream of that day again; Nick's Humvee exploding, losing him forever. Then as the rest of them were taking cover the Humvee she had been in exploded. Sam jumped when she screamed. " _Ahh! Help! Someone please!"_

She started flailing around and he grabbed her, pulling her tightly to him. "Andy, it's Sam! You're ok." He ran his hands up and down her back as she tried to fight him. "Andy!" He squeezed her tighter. "Andy come on! Wake up!"

Traci and Oliver had heard her address go over the air and raced to help. When they barged in her room their hearts broke as they watched Sam try to comfort her. Traci moved quickly. "Sam, sir let me." He looked broken and confused. "Please! I know what to do."

He reluctantly released her and Traci sat in his place. Ollie put his hand on his shoulder as they watched Traci calmly talk Andy awake. She jerked in surprise. "What...Trac? What are you doing here?" Her eyes focused and she saw the others. "Oliver? Sam?" She broke. "God no! No! No! No! He...he can't...he can't..." Her body wracked with sobs again. "Please! Go! Go!"

Oliver pulled Sam out as he tried to beg Andy to let him stay. "Please Andy?" She jumped out of bed and ran for her bathroom. "Andy come on! Please?"

Oliver finally drug him out to the living room. "Leave her be Sammy. She doesn't want you right now."

He jerked away. "Please explain to me what the hell is going on!" Oliver shook his head. "Ollie! Come on man. This is me."

He shook his head again. "Sorry brother. It's..." He sighed and shrugged. "If she wants you to know then she'll tell you but I can't. I'm sorry Sammy."

Somehow his feet carried him out to his cruiser and he left. A few minutes later he pulled into a coffee shop and went inside. He took a back booth and ordered coffee, needing time to himself.

Andy finally came out of her bathroom when Traci told her Sam was gone; her best friend still sitting on her bed and Oliver in her doorway. "I'm sorry." She sat down on her bed and wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm really sorry you guys had to see that."

Traci ran her hand up and down Andy's arm. "It's ok." She paused for a second. "Are you ok now?"

Andy tucked her hair behind her ears and nodded. "I'm f..."

Oliver sighed. "McNally, do not say you're fine. Please."

She looked up at Oliver and gave him a weak smile and a nod. "Ok. I'm...ok. You guys don't have to stay. I'll umm...go make myself some tea and I'll be ok."

Oliver walked over to her and knelt down. "Andy, look I usually try to stay out of other people's relationships or whatever but this isn't fair to Sam." She opened her mouth to speak and he held up his hand. "I _know_ that none of this is easy but he lov...I've known Sam for a long time and I've never seen him talk about someone they way he talks about you. He's a good man and he's..." He waved his hand around trying to find a good word for Sam. "Protective. Loyal. Andy he loves you but I think you know that already." He sighed when she didn't respond. "This is just my opinion but you should give him a chance."

She finally found her voice. "What could I possibly give him Ollie? He needs someone that's whole and I'm not. I can't...I can't be what he wants or needs."

Traci spoke for the first time. "How do you know unless you give him a chance?" Andy looked at her surprised. "I only know him from what Jerry has said and I really think you should just talk to him. Tell him what happened and give him a chance."

Andy shook her head as she wrapped her arms tighter around herself. "I can't. I couldn't handle losing him for good."

Oliver shook his head. "I'll be outside. Call if you need anything McNally."

Traci tried again to convince Andy but she wouldn't hear of it. She hugged her and left. "Call if you need anything."

Andy thanked her and walked her to the door. It wasn't like she was mad at Sam. _But really, what could_ _she be for him? Someone to pity?_ She walked back to her room and stood in front of her mirror. She was so glad that he hadn't been able to really see her. She closed her eyes and flashes of that day came back to her again; being trapped under the burning Humvee after it flipped. Her right side from her neck down to her ankle covered in scars from second degree burns. She'd had many skin grafts but there was only so much it could do. How could she let him see her like that? She crawled back in bed, pulled the covers tightly around her and closed her eyes.

Sam drove the streets in silence. _How could everything they shared that week mean nothing to her?_ He _knew_ she felt it then _and_ now. _And who the hell was Nick Collins?_ He had to be important for her to tattoo his name on her for crying out loud. He slammed his fist down in frustration. _Why is she doing this?_ He was thankful the night was quiet because he just couldn't deal with anything else. Shift ended quicker than he thought possible. When he got back Oliver was in the locker room changing.

Oliver could tell Sam's night hadn't gotten any better. "You need breakfast brother and coffee, strong coffee."

Sam shook his head as he changed. "No thanks. I'm just going to go home and go to bed."

He sighed as he stuffed his uniform in his locker. "Look Sammy, I know I said it's none of my business and I know you're mad at me but..."

He shook his head. "Not mad Ollie. Confused? Yes. Mad? No." He shrugged and got lost in his memories of that week. "It was stupid to hope, I know that. I really do but..." He sighed. "if you had just _been there_ and seen us together." He shook his head again. "If I had been asked _then_ would it be possible for an us even three years later I would've said absolutely. Wouldn't even have hesitated. I mean, I was no saint without her but..." He shrugged.

He had never seen his best friend so taken by someone. He had fallen in love with a perfect stranger in a week three years ago and _still_ felt that way. "You're having breakfast with me."

He glared at his best friend. "Told you I want to go home."

Oliver nodded. "Heard you the first time and now _you_ need to hear _me._ Breakfast and it's _not_ negotiable."

Sam wasn't thrilled but knew he'd never give up. "Fine."

They finished changing and drove the two blocks to the Penny. Ollie made sure they had a table as far away from everyone as possible. They ordered their food and Ollie turned to him. "You really picked a stubborn one there." Sam obviously didn't have to ask who. "I don't have to explain how being a cop and a soldier is different." Sam shook his head. "You can imagine the things she saw and did while she was over there. Things we only hope and pray that we never see in our entire career." Another nod. "Nick Collins was her cousin, her best friend. By the time she got over there he was on his second tour. Happily staying behind to keep her as safe as possible." This was where it was going to get difficult. "They were doing a routine escort near the end of their tour and they were ambushed." Sam felt his heart stop. "Andy watched Nick's Humvee explode, he died instantly. As they were jumping out for cover the one she was in was hit and flipped over on her." He sighed and shook his head. "I shouldn't even be telling you this. It should be her but..." Their food arrived and he waited until they were alone again. "She got hurt; burned, on her right side from her neck down to her ankle. Second degree. They did a lot of skin grafts and she...it doesn't look bad at all. She never wears anything that will show it. That's why she's pushing you away, that and the nightmares. Apparently they used to be a lot worse." He shrugged and looked at Sam. "Now you know."

He had long since pushed his food away. Now he sat staring at his coffee cup absorbing everything he had just been told. The first words out of his mouth were. "She's still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Oliver smiled as he watched Sam work through it all and formulate a plan.

Oliver watched as a look of calm and determination settled over Sam. He pulled his plate back over and started eating. "Got a plan then?" Sam simply smiled and continued to eat.

He said goodbye to Ollie in the parking lot and set out to start his fight for Andy. He stopped at the florist near his house and ordered a few things.

As she walked into the station she heard her name over the intercom. "Officer McNally to the front desk."

Sam watched from his desk as she made her way to the front. Her jaw dropped when she was pointed to the beautiful Peace Lily. She picked it up and headed towards the locker room only stopping to look at the card, two simple words written on it.

_**For Nick** _

She recognized the handwriting immediately and turned around looking for him. When he saw her looking around he looked down at some papers on his desk. He felt his phone go off and he pulled it out of his pocket. A name he hadn't seen on the screen in three years flashed.

_**Andy  
Thank you.** _

He smiled a little and sent back. "You're welcome." He wanted to say he was sorry that he hadn't been there but he wanted to take steps forward.

Oliver reported to him that Andy carried a bit of a smile around with her all day. The next day after he found out she was on desk duty he had her favorite meal delivered. It was the last thing they had together; Moo Shu Shrimp.

Andy knew it was from Sam and remembered their last night together. Neither wanting to share the other with the world they had food delivered. Tears pricked her eyes as she remembered how he touched her, the sweet things he said.

She couldn't figure out what he was doing, _why_ he was being so nice. She sent another text. "Thank you again."

He just sent a Smiley face. The next day he sent her a bouquet of Tulips with a card that said. "Three years ago I met a beautiful brunette by a pool. Fell in love with her after only seven days and had to let her go. She's strong, gorgeous, brave and I love her more than I ever imagined being able to love anyone. All she has to do is let me back in, trust me not to hurt her. Do you think she could?"

When Andy read the card she cried. She had known of course how she felt but had never imagined that Sam had felt the same way.

Traci found Andy crying when she walked in the locker room. "Andy sweetie, what's wrong?" She held up the card and Traci read it. She gasped and sat down hard. "Andy! Oh! My god!" She looked at her. "Sweetie, he loves you too. That's great!" Andy shook her head. "The hell it isn't! Why are you doing this?"

She looked at her surprised and rolled up her right shirt sleeve. "In case you forgot."

Traci would only ever admit to herself that she had been a little shocked the first time but not now. She knew that Oliver had told Sam and now it was time Andy knew. "You're not going to like this but it had to be done. He knows what happened to you." She held up the card. "And clearly he doesn't care. He loves you and just wants a chance."

There was a knock at the door and they heard Sam say. "You decent McNally?"

Andy quickly pulled on her uniform shirt just as he appeared with Oliver. "You keep this up and I'm going to start thinking you're stalking me."

Sam bit the inside of his cheek holding back a grin. "Does that mean I have to stop sitting outside of your house too?" He got his desired reaction when she blushed. " _God! I have missed that_." He stopped in front of her. "You're so beautiful Andy." He caressed her cheek and was happy when she didn't pull away.

She spoke quietly. "What are you doing in here?"

He scanned her face, memories of their week together flooding his brain, finally he said. "I want to show you something."

She furrowed her brow. "What?"

As he pulled off his shirt he said. "It doesn't even compare but I didn't come back the same either." Andy gasped when she saw his once perfect chest and abs. He pointed to each one. "This shoulder one happened my second week under. I got shot by the man who would become my boss." Next he moved to the marks practically over his heart. "Here; a pissed off customer six months in, barely missed my heart. I spent a couple weeks in the hospital for that one." Then he pointed to the three scars on his stomach. "A year and a half in, on a pick-up with the crew we were trying to bring down. This one cost me a kidney." He pulled his shirt back on and knelt in front of her. Traci and Ollie took this as a sign to leave so they stood outside the door to make sure they had privacy. He wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. "You'll always be beautiful to me Andy."

She shook her head and looked at the floor. "Sam, you don't understand. It...it's... _mine_ are not like yours. If I hadn't had on my helmet half of my face would be scarred too."

He caressed her cheek. "And you'd _still_ be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Just let me back in Andy. Let me show you."

The tears were flowing hard now. She wanted so badly to but she was scared. "I don't know Sam. I don't think I could take the look in your eyes when you see."

He nodded and took her hand. "I get it. I really do." He leaned in and kissed her softly, meaning for it to be chaste but when she gasped and deepened it, he couldn't hold back. He pulled her close and they got lost in each other.

There was a knock at the door, Sam pulled back panting. He kissed her one last time. "I mean it Andy. All I want is a chance and I can wait until you're ready." He stood up and held out his hand. She smiled and took it, letting him pull her up. "We should get to Parade." She nodded and kept his hand in hers until they got to the door.

He was on a mission so he started giving her rides to and from work. They didn't talk a whole lot on the way in but he could tell she was happy. They were finally at the end of their two weeks on nights and had a two day weekend before going back to days. As usual everyone went to the Penny for breakfast after shift. Andy sat with Traci and the other rookies while Sam ate with Noelle, Ollie, and Jerry.

She smiled and waved as she left with Traci and the others. He winked and she blushed, he really had missed that. He finished breakfast and headed home. He had to get his body used to being back to working days so instead of sleeping he went to work in his garage. He spent all day cleaning up and working on his truck a little. For dinner he decided to grill so he started it up then went inside to shower. As he was walking back downstairs he heard someone knocking. He was completely surprised to find Andy on the other side.

She looked nervous when he opened the door. "Hey!"

She smiled a little. "Hey. You busy?"

Her favorite smile spread across his face as he shook his head. "Come on in." He stepped aside and she walked in. He followed her into his living room. "You hungry? I was getting ready to throw a steak on the grill. I've got extra."

He watched as she looked around, taking everything in. "You don't have to. I don't want to interrupt anything."

He gently wrapped his hand around her arm and turned her around. "Join me for dinner Andy." She nodded and he smiled. "Good." He slid his hand down to hers and led her to his kitchen. "Beer?" Andy nodded again. He grabbed two and the food before leading them outside. She took a seat as she watched him work. He made another trip into the house to turn on music and get a few more things.

Andy loved watching Sam do _anything._ It was like he was in another world as he went to work on their dinner. "Can I help with anything?"

He turned and gave her a lopsided grin. "No but thank you." He lit torches so they weren't in the dark and set the food out when it was done.

While they ate they carried on light conversation. Andy insisted that he let her at least help clean up and he finally said ok. He could get used to seeing her in his kitchen. When she was finished he grabbed two more beers and led her to the living room.

His house surprised her. She was expecting a bit of a bachelor pad especially since he did so much UC. "I love your house."

He smiled and passed her a beer. "Thanks, can't take all of the credit though. Sarah helped with some of it." He waved around the room. "She took all of the pictures. It's a hobby."

The black and whites were pretty amazing for a hobby. "Does she take care of your place when you go under?"

He nodded. "She did but not anymore."

She frowned a little. "Someone else will take over next time?"

He shook his head. "There won't be a next time." He watched as her eyes widened in surprise. "A few too many close calls this last time around and I promised myself if I made it out I'd find someone." She looked a little confused. "You. I promised myself I'd find you." She was a little surprised but happy about that. She stood up quickly and he reached for her hand. "Andy..."

She gave a small smile before pulling her hand loose, it was now or never. She unzipped the hooded sweatshirt and let it slide off her shoulders, underneath only a sports bra. Sam took her by the hand and pulled her into his lap, her legs straddling him.

He smiled as he caressed her cheek, letting his fingers slowly move across her skin; her cheek, neck, shoulder, down her arm, down her side. He whispered as he continued to let his fingers roam her skin. " _God Andy! How could you not know how damn beautiful you are?"_

Tears welled up in her eyes as she squeaked out. " _Sam. You don't..."_

He pulled her into a passionate kiss. _"You. Are. Beautiful. And I. Love. You."_

She finally gave in and crashed her lips into his. Between kisses she breathlessly said. _"I missed you_ _Sam. So damn much. God! So so much."_ She pulled off his shirt and started kissing his neck and shoulders. His head fell back against the sofa as he relished the feel of her lips on his skin.

He finally pulled her lips back up to his and kissed her hard. It was his turn to explore her skin and he kissed and licked every inch he could reach, telling her how amazing she was and how much he missed her.

She pulled her sports bra off and he stared longingly at her beautiful breasts. He stood up with his arms wrapped tightly around her and carried her to his bedroom. They made love several times during the night. Sam held her close, afraid that she might run off on him.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning he woke up alone. When he first started stirring and missed her warmth he hoped she was just in the bathroom. When he realized she wasn't in his house at all he knew he shouldn't be surprised but he was. All she had to do was wake him up, talk to him, he would've understood. He didn't hear from her the next day either and by the time he got to work not only was he a little hurt he was angry too.

He walked into the locker room and he was alone but unfortunately it didn't last long. Oliver came bouncing in. "Morning brother! How was..." He stopped as soon as he saw the look on Sam's face. "Sammy, what's going on?"

He shook his head and continued to change. "Not in the mood Shaw."

He dropped his bag and opened his locker. "You have a good weekend?" Sam glared at him and he held up his hands in surrender. "Ok. Geez!" He sighed as he continued to change, wondering if his bad mood had to do with Andy. He got his answer when they walked in to Parade. They stood in the back like always. He saw Sam's body language change; stiffen, as soon as Andy walked in.

Andy felt bad about leaving Sam but she needed some space. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that he wanted her no matter what. She was going to talk to him today. When she walked into Parade she immediately found him in the back. He wouldn't even meet her eyes and she knew she has a lot of explaining to do.

Sam stood beside Oliver arms crossed and eyes on the floor. He wasn't happy when Frank partnered him with Andy, even considered asking Oliver to give him Epstein. Frank dismissed them and he walked out to the coffee station.

Oliver watched as Andy approached with Traci. "Sam. Oliver."

Sam grabbed his cup and turned around speaking only to Traci and Oliver as he started to walk away. "Nash. Oliver."

Andy couldn't be mad or hurt for that, it was her own fault but she wasn't letting him get away. "Sam!" He didn't stop as he slowly made his way through the bullpen. "Sam Swarek, I love you too!" She took a deep breath as the entire station stopped. He didn't turn around but he did stop. She made her way through the crowd and stood in front of him, everyone still quietly watching. She reached for him and he pulled back a little.

Frank had been watching from outside his office, he smiled before saying. "I believe we have a job to do people."

It was like someone pushed Play because the room went back to what they were doing. She touched his arm. "I know you're upset with me and I understand." She finally got him to move towards an interrogation room with her, locking the door when they walked in. "I'm really sorry. I just needed some time to think."

He finally looked up at her. "You could've just _told_ me that. Can you even imagine how I felt when I woke up and you were gone? I told you I love you Andy and then you left in the middle of the night."

She pushed him back towards the table. "I can say I'm sorry over and over but I don't think you'll believe me." They stopped when he bumped against the table.

He looked down at the table for a second just realizing where he was. "What do you want Andy?"

She closed the gap between them and crashed her lips to his. Sam couldn't help reacting to her, pulling her tight to him and dipping his tongue in her mouth. She finally pulled back. "I want you Sam. I'm sorry I left but...you have to understand how hard this is for me. You've seen me, all of me, and somehow you _still_ want me."

He smiled and caressed her cheek. "Of course I do."

She kissed the palm of his hand. "You have to understand that this isn't easy. Not only do I still have physical reminders, I still have nightmares Sam and I go to therapy. It helps but..." She shrugged.

He pulled her hair loose from its ponytail and tangled his fingers up in it. "I meant what I said Andy, I love you. I just want to be with you, to have a chance to make you happy."

She beamed at him. " _Sam._ Can we...can we just..."

He silenced her with a kiss then said. "Do you really want this too?" She nodded and he smiled. "Good. We go as slow as you need to, ok?" She nodded again. "We should probably get to work then."

Andy poked her lip out and he laughed. "Fine."

He chuckled and led her out to the cruiser. They had a busy day and met with their friends after work. Sam let Andy set the pace for their relationship. They traded nights at each other's houses and things were great for the first couple of weeks.

Andy had had a rough day and Sam took her to his place; put her in a hot shower while he made them dinner. Once they were finished he led her to bed. He was jerked out of sleep by a blood curdling scream. Andy was practically convulsing and screaming for help.

He held her close. "Andy! Wake up. Come on sweetheart!" He kissed her head as he fought to hold on, listening to her scream in pain and for help. "You're safe. Come on babe. Wake up." He kept talking and she finally began to wake up. "That's it sweetheart. You're safe. You're safe babe. Come on. Come back to me." He peppered kisses all over her face and she held on, sobbing.

When she finally woke she held onto him tightly and cried. " _Sam. Sam, I'm so sorry."_

He _shh'd_ her and ran his fingers through her hair. "It's ok. _You_ are ok. You hear me? You're ok." He felt her nod into his chest. "I love you and I'm never going to let anything happen to you ok?" She nodded again. "Want to talk about it?"

Andy had never felt safer in her life than she did in his arms yet she was terrified to talk about her dreams. She shook her head at his question but told him anyway. "I...I was back there. That day." He tucked her tight against him as she talked. "We were doing an escort, had done them a million times." She shuttered a little as she accessed the memory again. "Out of nowhere there were explosions. Nick's Humvee exploded." Her voice cracked and he could feel fresh tears.

He kissed the top of her head. "You don't have to do this sweetheart. I know it's hard."

She shook her head. "I need to." Another deep breath. "We all stopped and tried to jump out to find cover. I remember being thrown out as ours flipped over and it landed on me. I was trapped while it burned and my unit fought." She was sobbing now and his own tears flowed as he felt her pain. "I could feel the burning and...and...then nothing." He was guessing that this was where she blacked out from the pain. "I woke up a few days later. They told me about Nick and the others in my unit that didn't make it. Told me that I had been burned badly, what I would go through to get better. The skin grafts were painful. I can't imagine what I would look like without them."

He pulled back and kissed her softly. "You'd still be gorgeous."

She shook her head but gave him a little smile. "Are you sure you want to sign up for this?"

He nodded and kissed her softly. "Without a doubt."

Things slowly started to get better for Andy. Sam had suggested that maybe he go to some of her therapy sessions and it really began to change their relationship and her dreams. They happened less and less. Andy was becoming more and more comfortable with her body, with her scars. Sam constantly told her how beautiful she was. A year had passed now and it was time for the TPS Policeman's Ball.

Frank announced in Parade. "I know the reaction I'm going to get from this but it comes from HQ so don't shoot the messenger." Everyone groaned. "I know. I know. In two weeks it's the TPS Policeman's Ball and it's mandatory attendance if you are not on duty that night. And don't even try to overload me with requests to work. Schedules are already out so serve, protect, and suck it up." He gave out assignments and everyone left.

Andy knew she and Sam were off that night. She waited a while before she brought it up. "I'm sure Frank would let us switch with someone."

He glanced over at her as they drove around. "Why would I want to switch?"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Sam, you _hate_ wearing a dress shirt. This is a _black tie_ event."

He nodded; he really did hate anything but his jeans and t-shirts. "True but I'd get to see _you_ in a dress."

She swatted him. "You've s _een_ me in a dress before."

He waggled his eyebrows and smiled. "But not a fancy dress. And just think of the fun we could have getting you _out_ of it. We could get a room and make a night of it."

Her cheeks turned red at his suggestion. "You really are hopeless."

Later that week Andy, Traci, and Gail went dress shopping. Traci found a gorgeous deep red strapless floor length gown, Gail found a gorgeous icy pale blue dress that wrapped around her neck, and Andy found a beautiful backless dress, it had pinhead sized silver iridescent sequins and it tied around her neck. A year ago she wouldn't even have considered wearing anything like that but now she was confident enough to pull it off.

Sam dug his tux out of his closet, made sure it fit and then took it to the cleaners. Normally he'd pull the friend card and beg off an event like this but he couldn't wait to see Andy in an evening gown. He was looking forward to seeing the gown she bought.

Andy asked Traci to keep her dress until the party. "If I keep it at my place Sam will see it."

Traci shrugged. "And? Jerry's going to see mine."

She shook her head. "I want to surprise him Trac."

Traci shook her head and laughed. "Ok then."

Traci dropped her at Sam's. When she walked in he was laid back on the sofa watching TV. "Hey handsome!"

He smiled and reached for her, pulling her into his lap. "Hey yourself!" They kissed and he ran his fingers through her hair. "How'd it go?"

She smiled big. "I found a dress so I'd say great."

He looked around. "Umm. Where is it?"

She smiled as she kissed him. "I sent it home with Traci. I want it to be a surprise."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Ok." He let her pull him up off the sofa. "Something I can help you with McNally?"

She smiled devilishly and nodded as she walked them back to his room. "I think I may need help in the shower."

He pulled her back against him and nibbled on her neck. "Well then, I'll do my best to have my partner's back." He nibbled on her ear and she squealed a little. "And front."

They had a very playful shower before crawling into bed. The days til the ball passed quickly. Sam couldn't believe he was actually looking forward to it; of course the fact that he had a BIG night planned for them may have been why. He even went as far as renting a limo for the night with the others. The limo picked Sam and the guys up at his place. He almost felt like he was in high school again, picking up his date for the prom.

The bar was fully stocked so they broke out the scotch as they headed to Andy's to pick up their women. Sam let the guys take a sip before he said. "I'm proposing to Andy tonight."

His friends cheered and toasted. Oliver shook his head and clapped him on the back. "Congratulations brother. It's about time."

Sam laughed and shook his head. "It's not like it was a smooth start and we've only been together a year but..."

Frank flashed his dimples as he poured them all another drink. " _But_ you know she's the one Sammy. I'm really happy for you buddy."

Jerry smiled and held up his glass. "To the rookie, soldier, and woman that stole our brother's heart."

The others raised their glasses. "To Andy."

They finally pulled up in front of Andy's place and the ladies were waiting outside. Sam was the only one that hadn't seen his lady in her dress. The others parted so he could see her and his heart stopped. He walked up the steps and just stood staring. "Wow!"

Her dress wrapped around her neck but cut very low in the front and the back didn't exist. It started at the lowest part of her back without showing anything inappropriate. She blushed at the look on Sam's face. "Do you like it?" She turned slowly so he could take her all in.

His throat was suddenly very dry. When she turned back to face him he had to swallow a few times. "Y...you..." He pulled her to him and kissed her hard. "You look amazing sweetheart."

She kept her hair down; twisted it together and draped it over her shoulder. "You really like it? I look ok?"

He shook his head. "Love it. I _love_ it and I love you."

She smoothed her hand down the front of his shirt and played with his tie. "You look pretty sexy in this tux."

He was about to say something when Oliver yelled. "Come on you two! You've got all night to play kissy kissy!"

They busted out laughing and Sam shook his head. "Come on beautiful." He held out his arm and she happily took it. They finally joined their friends and headed to the Grand Hotel where the ball was being held.

Andy figured she'd be left to dance with Chris or Dov but Sam swept her out to the dance floor and they had fun. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. He slowly ran his fingertips up and down her back as they moved to the music.

She sighed happily as they held each other close. "Sam?"

He nuzzled into her ear. "Yes darling?"

She smiled and giggled a little. "You're amazing you know?" He pulled back and looked at her a little worried. "I know I don't tell you enough." She caressed his face. "I'm the luckiest woman in the world because I have you. I love you so much Sam and I'm sorry I was so stubborn to begin with."

He shook his head. "It's ok because we're here now. That's all that matters to me, that and one other thing." She furrowed her brow as he stepped back a little and reached in his jacket pocket. He took her hand and slid the ring on it. "Say you'll be with me every day. Marry me Andy."

She smiled and nodded. "Yes."

He laughed as he picked her up and spun her around. Their friends started cheering because they knew what he was going to do. Andy hid her face in his neck until he finally put her down.

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. "I love you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. "I love you too."

They spent the rest of the night celebrating with their friends, both thankful for the next day off when they finally slipped upstairs around 2 a.m.

Andy giggled as he picked her up bridal style and carried her into their room. "I think you're pulling this move a little early."

He laughed. "Never too early for this." He put her down near the bed. "You really do look beautiful tonight."

She helped him out of his jacket as he smiled. "And you've kind of got a 007 thing going tonight." She threw his jacket across the room and started on his shirt. "Really. Really hot."

He chuckled and bit the inside of his cheek as he watched her hands work on his shirt. "James Bond huh?"

She nodded as she stood on her toes to kiss him and gently bite on his bottom lip. "But _much_ sexier."

He laughed and pulled her to him. "I knew there was a good reason I was marrying you." They stared at each other for a few seconds, sharing heated glares. His hands wandered over her back before sliding up to her neck. He hooked his fingers under the tie for her dress and pulled lightly. He smiled when it easily slid off her body to the floor.

She had managed to find a tiny silver thong to wear. "I think you have on too many clothes Officer Swarek."

He held up his hands. "Please feel free to fix that." She slowly undressed him and they made love until the sun came up.

A few weeks after the ball she moved in with Sam then six months later they got married in a beautiful but small ceremony in their backyard. On their first anniversary Andy gave birth to their first son; Samuel Nicholas Swarek.

 


End file.
